are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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