My cat gives me a boner
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
