You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
