Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize