...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
