I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
