you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
