I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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