So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
