Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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