I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
