coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
