I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
