Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
