my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
