I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
