She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
