capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
nutella sex= disaster
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
