Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
