Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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