u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
