SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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