shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
