she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
