Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
