Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
