if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Vodka?
Forever.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
