Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
