Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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