she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
