One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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