Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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