The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
