it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
