i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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