can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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