my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
