shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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