dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We need to rekindle our bromance
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
