so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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