You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
