Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
