she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
