My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
