i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
