4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
