I love black thongs
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
only you would photoshop your dick
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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