u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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