wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
no you cant smoke seaweed
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
