God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
