I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
