Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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