Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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