I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
