im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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