Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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