so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize