Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
