she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
