Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
