A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
