I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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