I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
