i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
