You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
