When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
