I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
