Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
