he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
