I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
