I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
