I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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