I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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