dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
