Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
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