Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
