Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
