Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
