I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
