Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
