Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
