Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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